tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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