i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
