from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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