My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
