you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
