Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
