Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
