Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
