Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
