i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
