Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think your dad took our porno
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
