Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
