Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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