Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
