I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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