I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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