I just saw a hot homeless man
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
