he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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