so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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