I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
