it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
