I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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