i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
