operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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