I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize