He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
