Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
