We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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