Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
