don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
