life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize