haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
