Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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