lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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