not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
