The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
