Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
