i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
