Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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