is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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