My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
