Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found your dick twin last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
