I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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