he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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