It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
