i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
