Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
