PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
