Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
