mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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