just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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