You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
