Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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