There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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