Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
