dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
