my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
