the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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