did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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