You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love having hate sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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