All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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