Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
