i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
