come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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