As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
