Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
