Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.