he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$