Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
