Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
