That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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