do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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