sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think people are normalizing furries
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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