I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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