butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
