Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
