she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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