She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
