You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
