You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's official drugs can't kill me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
