u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize