PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??