I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account