we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be