community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
